I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
