I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
