I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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