Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
