i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
