3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
