I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just blew my weed a kiss
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
