Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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