I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
