Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
