Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
