I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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