Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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