There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
