i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
