I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
