Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She tied me up with her honor cords...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Randomize
