I wish I could punch you in the face.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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