So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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