oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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