Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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