Pants 0. Shit 1.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
