why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
