Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
