I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
