i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
