You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
