I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
