dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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