Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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