he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
