john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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