I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
