Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I am one with the molecules
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
