My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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