did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
