Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
