My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
