I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
