hotel room ftw
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
