The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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