I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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