do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
