drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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