It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
