she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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