Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

Food network will be on but we won't be watching

(1-248): View more from Michigan

O by "watching" I mean "background noise"

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(501): View more from Arkansas

there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside

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(305): View more from Florida

I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn

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(480): View more from Arizona

He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed

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(970): View more from Colorado

We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later

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(908): View more from New Jersey

Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back

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(330): View more from Ohio

BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day

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(540): View more from Virginia

Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.

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