john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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