Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
