I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
