Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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