hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
